Individual's Shadow

kenshin_roxanne

Soon

kenshin_roxanne

I hate myself. I was stupid. No, infatuation made me stupid. I won't call it love. You toyed my feelings. I will never forget the pain you've caused me. Call me bitter but this is how I really feel.

I'm over you. I'm just mad at myself for not realizing your fake intentions. You are the person I should trust the least. You are an animal who is driven by instinct.

You are irrational and therefore the lowest creature I've met ever since. I'm so over you.

One day, I'll get even with you.

--

These were the words I've written a month ago and have decided not to publish them. Now, I think and feel the same way. Nothing has changed; no matter how hard you try to ask for my forgiveness, I just can't give it to you. It's not because I'm still affected of what had happened, it's a self preservation act.

What can I say? Now, definitely, I will change for the better.

I will live life to the fullest and wouldn't let anyone to pull me down - not even love or family.

I will fly.

*Graduation Creative Photo of mine

kenshin_roxanne

Today is Monday and absolutely, it is the last day of freedom to go eat and sleep like a pig, watch movies and tv like there's no tomorrow and lie in bed with your head completely blank. :| Tomorrow will be the first day of classes of my last semester. Yes, i'm about to graduate this March, can't wait for it to happen.

On the 15th - 18th of this month, November 2009, I'll attend a youth engagement seminar to be held in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Guess what? this trip comes for free! But it's not entirely free since I do have to pay for travel tax, terminal fee amd others. It will cost me around P 3,000 - 5,000 but its okay (airfare, small allowance and hotel accomodation are free already so I can't complain). It's a gppd thing that I did spend my sembreak teaching English to Japanese students.

I'm so excited! It will be my first time to visit Malaysia and its an opportunity for me to mingle with South East Asian Youths and of course, meet leaders who are succesful in their own fields such as Gary Kasparov, Randi Zuckerberg, Tony Fernandes, Nando Parrado etc. (for the complete list, visit this link). I will learn a lot definitely from this event.

from www.yes2009.asia

Please find time to answer the survery. It will only take 3-5 minutes of your time. Let your voice be heard by the whole world - what changes do you want to happen?

Lianne and I will head out to different malls today to buy some accessories she would pair with her lovely violet dress (I'm the one who bought it). She will use it on our cousin's debut this coming 14th. I would not attend the party because of the next day's out of the country trip. Boarding destination is at Clark Airport which is around 2-3 hours away from Manila plus the flight is at 11:40 am so I have to wake up early then - I can't afford to have myself wasted on the 14th.

She plans to also buy shoes which I'm going to borrow and bring with me in Malaysia.

Yesterday, I went out to shop some smart casual clothes. I found a terrific blazer in an ukay ukay shop and a chic green blouse at the farmer's plaza.I also grab a cute earphones from Daiso Home Shop and a pair of slacks from Shopwise Araneta.

So there. I know once again that classes will start tomorrow but my mind is off thinking about other things. Hay, I hope I do remember that Cess wants a copy of Glee Episode 8 and that I have to start working with PsycA's venue for our upcoming quizbee.

I am really anticipating that this last semester would be a fun yet busy one. Woot.

kenshin_roxanne

It's 4 am. I can already smell the breeze of a new morning. Garlic aroma also starts to fill my room, a neighbor has started cooking breakfast. I'm guessing that they'll have sinangag for the most important meal of the day of humans - breakfast.

It has always been like this, everyday. It's hard for me to sleep early, and even if I force myself to keep my eyes shut, I end up thinking about things that makes me worried sick, like for example, the future. I'd rather have my biological clock go like crazy than lose my insanity of fearing what is unseen ahead of my life. At least, I can do a lot of things when everyone else are sleeping. I can watch dramas and movies, like what I just did this night. I did watch 2 Tamaki Hiroshi's films:

Tada Kimi wo Aishiteru and Water Boys. These two movies are opposite in terms of genre. The first film, based on the novel of Ichikawa Takuji features a romantic tragedy between two University student binded together by the art of photography which proves to be sweet and unforgettable. whilst the second film encapsulates human spirit amidst unforeseen circumstances featuring high school boys obsessed about synchronized swimming. Needless to say, that two movies I mentioned were very good, a must watch.

Tamaki Hiroshi is the actor who played the role of Chiaki-senpai in Nodame Cantabile together with Ueno Juri playing the role of Nodame. I can't wait to watch the movie version of this mega-hit drama about music, friendship and love.

*This is from lemonique07.wordpress.com

Look good ne? I recommend watching both the anime and the drama version. Also, if you come to like Ueno Juri, I also suggest that you watch Swing Girls which served to be her debut movie and the drama Last Friends where she gets to play a role of a lesbian. Ryo Nishikido is also in this drama, btw.

Right now, I'm stuck at both the second episodes of Moto Kare and Strawberry in a Shortcake. I hope I get to finish them soon because a pile of dramas and movies are all waiting for them to be given attention by none other than me. Thank's to Joy's fantastic collection of DVD's, I felt like I have a million access to wonderful Japanese Drama and Movies.

Okay, sleepiness kicks in. I better go to sleep. It's already 5:45 am here. Slowly, the garlic aroma fades away as the neighbor has already finished cooking today's asa gohan.

*changed the linked picture. Oopps. I'm supposed to get a permission first. My bad.

kenshin_roxanne

I'm tired.

I want this semester to finish. I want new subjects. I want to graduate na. I want to pursue graduate studies overseas. I want to avenge the loss I had when I was with you. I want to enter law school. I want to go back to Hongkong. I want to buy new clothes, trendy ones. I want to live alone. I want to buy a new cellphone. I want to have my laptop repaired. I want to watch Honey and Clover. I want to see Kim Bum. I want to erase all my pimples and blemishes. I want to lose weight. I want to attend a party. I want to eat DQ ice cream and Hershey's Kisses. I want to learn how to play the piano. I want to ski. I want to learn how to swim. I want to conquer my fears. 

I want to stop time

I want to repair myself.